Secrets dont make friends! Patience is not something Ive mastered

Ok. So my audition at church left a little to be desired. I wasnt nervous...not really nervous..until I walked in the audition room. There was a table with 3 people sitting at it. It felt like I was auditioning for American Idol, not our church band. And the funny thing was, I knew all 3 of those people on a personal level! I had NOTHING to be nervous about!. But I was. And nervous was how I sounded. Needless to say, unless all 3 of those people were deaf, theres no way you will be seeing me up on stage singing. At least not this time. Maybe I will give it another try in January....I will know what to expect then lol.

A few things have been changing in the last few days. I want to be really excited to write about it, but I feel like I may jinx it if I do lol. So for now, I guess I will hold my tongue, and drive myself crazy in the mean time.

Ive been sleeping a lot better. Im making sure I make myself go to bed....as well as take my melatonin to help the process along. So far, so good. Ive been sleeping and waking up feeling rested. That makes my day a whole lot better! Im praying that I can keep it up, because sleep is definately my friend :)

Life's a beach

This past saturday, my family went to Moonshine Beach in Branson. Not the real beach, but the best the Ozarks can deliver. Theres real sand, and water..not the ocean, but a beautiful area on Table Rock Lake. It was a perfect day. My niece and nephew (Brenda and Duran) came with thier boys Dalton and Ryan. We hardly get to see them anymore, so it was really nice to have them there. My mom, Ray, Melissa, my sister, my sisters boyfriend Nick and his twins and thier girlfriends, my friend Lynda and her little girl Sami, and of course me and the girls...18 people! It was wonderful. We bbq'd some yummy food. And swam all day. Emma swam under the water for the first time ever! We built sand castles and played in the sand. The weather was amazing even if it was hot. We all left with a little sun, and ended the day with some ice cream before heading home. The girls got thier first sunburns, nothing bad, just a little red. Everyone looked like tired lobsters the next day. LOL. We will definately be going back soon.

Its nap time in my house, both girls are sleeping. Its a good feeling compared to the chaos that engulfed my house yesterday. There was a full moon last night, and my kids definately took full advantage of that excuse. I swear, the way they were acting yesterday, they were both the spawn of the devil. Whiney, cranky, misbehaving, rotten little girls. Thank goodness it was only temporary. They both went to bed fairly early, and slept all night..though they both ended up in bed with me at some point. At least they slept in :)

Satruday, I have a 3rd interview at Teletech. This application and interview and testing process has been sooooo long. Over a month. I hope my patience and persistence pays off. Its a good paying job, and something that I am comfortable doing.

Tonight, I am auditioning for our church band...as a singer. I dont really know what possessed me to want to do this. God is the only thing that comes to mind. I love singing, and always have. But never have I thought I was good enough to do something like this. I mean, sing....in front of 3,000+ people. NEVER! Nervous...yes. But extremely excited. The North Point Band is amazing. Everyone is beyond talented and blessed by God to be able to share it with other people. The band is one of the many things that first drew me to North Point. The songs touch me every time...no matter how many times Ive heard them before...I feel them. And I mean feel them in my heart. Its 30 minutes of singing for God, and feeling Him work in me. Its an incredible thing to experience. And the thought of being part of delivering that feeling to other people...pushes all the nerves out of my head. Ther are tons of people auditioning tonight. I dont know how the process works, only that I sing a verse and a chorus, 1 minute long, acapella. A song of my choice. Then I guess after its all over, they decide who they want. Keep me in your prayers tonight! Either way....this is a huge step in faith for me. Ive never been strong enough to get up in front of someone and do something like this. So auditioning in itself is God working miracles. :)

Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth."- Jeremiah 1:9

I need a nap..or maybe I just need to go to bed

Today has been a really long day. Not a bad day, just a long day. The babies at church...all the kids in general...were in crabby moods. By the time my 2 shift day was over, I was exhuasted. I cant imagine how my teachers felt who were actually in the rooms the entire time with these kids. Im so greatful for them lol.

By the time the girls and I got home from my moms, it was 4 oclock. And you could tell there were storms coming soon. The buildup to this storm did not disappoint. Its still raining and pretty windy out. I love thunderstorms. It was nice to open the windows and put on a movie with the girls and just relax.

Now, after a very yummy dinner (if I do say so myself) a bubble bath, and 2 sleeping babies, its just me. I have to say, that after yesterday..I realized that I was able to fully let everything go. I put it to the test today when I talked to Damon at church.
For 2 months now, I have been dealing with this stupid unneccessary hurt. And, for reasons I still cant explain. But I have prayed for God to give me peace with all of it. To take the hurt out of my heart. In those 2 months, I have done a great deal of healing...just on my elf and my personal life, not when it came to Damon. Even though I am so excited to give God "the pen" (When God Writes Your Love Story) I was still holding on. My little break from blogging and thinking about it in general did amazing things. I finally feel ok. And today, when I saw him, and said hi, and even had somewhat of a conversation with him, I felt ok. Im finally at a point where I want to be. For lack of better words....over it. Im sure I will have to deal with tugs at my heart every now and then....but to just be able to talk to him and not feel what I used to feel, is more than I expected.

Being able to let go of this, and truly know that I have instead of just hoping I have.....is a very good feeling.

Silence is golden

I know. Its been a couple weeks since Ive been here. Only because Ive really been trying to let things go. And as much as writing is an outlet for me, talking about certain things everyday, does nothing but keep me tied to them. So, instead of writing and dwelling on it, I just didnt deal with it. Not the best way to handle some things, but I have done all the healing and repairing and work up to this point that I could do. My constant thinking about Damon and the situation only took me back there. So, pushing it out of my mind, gave me space to think about other things. Just what I needed.

Though, I will say, I have missed writing about a lot of stuff thats happened.

Emma had her first dance recital. She was amazing. She danced like a princess.....and I cried like a baby lol. I was so proud of her.

After her recital, she left with her dad. Its the first summer he has had her. And, he gets her for 3 weeks. A very long 3 weeks. I had mixed emotions about her going. Thankfully, after praying and asking for support, I was ok with her going. I talked to her only a handful of times, mainly because it was hard on her. She would start crying and ask to come home. As much as it killed me not to hear her sweet voice everyday, I knew she was ok. Going to get her, was the longest 4 hour drive of my life. When I turned the corner onto her dads street, she was waiting outside, and ran as soon as she saw my car. It was the best feeling ever to have my baby run to me and hug me as tight as she could. BEST DAY EVER!

July 4th weekend, our church had an event called Freedom Splash. There were 2 huge pools set up in the parking lot, and after every service, they were baptising people. I was lucky enough to get to watch 3 out of 5 services. It was incredible to watch hundreds...literally....give thier life to Christ. Young people, old people....Couples were baptized together. Siblings, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons...entire families were being baptized together. I was baptized a year ago. Living a life for Christ, is the most amazing feeling. And, seeing all these people make that huge step in faith, was overwhelming. 440 people were baptized at North Point in 2 days. Here in Springfield Missouri....God really is amazing. I will never forget that experience.

I also started a new book-When God Writes Your Love Story. Amazing so far.

All of the events that have happened in the past few months have really made me stop, and re-assess my life. Ive been given some really great tools to figure out where I need to be in my "single-ness" lol. This has been centered in my heart and I am just so on fire about this new found way of living as a single woman. Who knew? Its all very exciting to me.

As much as I thought I had to catch up on, thats pretty much it for now. I love that my life isnt consumed with such negativity now. I was so caught up in something that was so bad for me...and thats all you ever got to hear about. That really makes me sad. Heres to hoping..or knowing.. that wont happen again. Good night :)