Aftermath from the chaos

Have you ever noticed how the week following Christmas is as stressful and chaotic as the weeks leading up to it? Maybe thats not true for everyone, and its just me, but today especially, has been crazy. I know, Christmas was just yesterday, but Im ready for life to calm down and be in regular mode again.

The girls did have a pretty amazing Christmas. Im know its amazing to be a kid and getting everything you asked for Christmas, but Im sure its even better to be the one playing Santa and seeing how excited your little girls get over the baby doll theyve been asking for for 2 months. I love being a mom :)

This year, I was blessed enough to be able to help another family out with Christmas. Im not in the most ideal situation myself at the moment, and have had a rough year all together, but it meant alot to me to do this. And i really do believe that this one particular family's name was given to me on purpose. The Brummett family has 4 kids, ranging from 5-16. And to be honest, I was a little intimidated when I learned there was 4 kids. But I called the mom to find out a little more about them and what her kids liked and wanted for Christmas. In our conversation, I found out that I have been in the exact situation this family was just getting out of. The dad was laid off from his job for months. And had been unsuccessful in finding a new one until just recently. I dont know anything about them other than what information was offered to me from our conversation. I dont know where they come from, what kind of life theyve had, or even what thier kids look like, but I do know how good it made me feel to hand over gifts to a mom who could give them to her children. And hopefully, it made her and her husband feel good to be able to give thier kids something they really wanted for Christmas. The experience was not all "happy thoughts" for me. As I said a minute ago, I was a little intimidated at the idea that I had to buy for 4 kids. and teenagers on top of that. Teenagers like expensive things lol. One of the girls really wanted the polka dot hair straightener from walmart. Another makeup, the little one a baby doll, and the boy Star Wars stuff. None of it is cheap stuff in reality. I struggled picking things out because I was focusing on the price of everything first. but in the end, I thought about my girls and Christmas. And the look in thier eyes when they open up a present and see that it is exactly what they wanted. So all 4 kids got exactly what they wanted.

I sat down tonight and decided on a plan for the girls and I. Our life is not exactly ours at the moment. For the past couple of months, we have been at my parents because of what happened at our old apartments. Its been a blessing in more ways than one. Several things have changed. A big one being my daycare expenses. It doubled from what I used to pay. and honestly, there is no way to pay that and rent...what I pay in daycare is equal to rent lol. So, living here, I can at least afford daycare. But I cant live here forever. Not that my parents wouldnt let me, but I am used to beign on my own. I like my own space. And my own life. I like having my own stuff, and feeling like I can call somewhere my own. So. Ive got it worked out that when we move, and this is when I have enough money saved back up to not dig myself deeper, my mom is going to watch the girls for me. That will save me money on daycare, and I can afford to be on my own without being broke all the time. I hate that I have to rely on other people to help me out so much. But right now, I dont really have other options. So. my goal is to have enough money saved to move by february to start looking for somewhere here in Republic. Maybe we can consider this a New Years Resolution. To get my life back :)

Christmas #2

This year marks mine and the girls 2nd Christmas together alone. I guess its really nothing to make a big deal about, but every year around the holidays, it makes me realize its one more year down. I dont think 5 years ago I would have pictured my life to be unfolding like it is. I never saw myself as a single mom of 2. Dont get me wrong, Im not complaining about it, but its sure not what I had planned. Guess thats proof that Im really not in control of my life. There are definately times when I doubt that God knows what hes doing....In more areas than 1. Im not sure Im capable of seeing the "everything happens for a reason" motto when it comes to my life the past 2 years. More bad things have happened than good, and I havent seen any of it lead to something incredibly life changing for the better. I know you have to be patient. Im queen of telling people these things. But I just cant see where it applies to my life. At some point, there has to be a little easy mixed in with all the hard. Im still waiting for that.

Christmas Merry. Because we are "us"

11 days until Christmas. Seriously, I am not technically out of November yet. I am not completely finished with my Christmas shopping yet. But the most important 2 little people have everything they asked for. The girls were so much fun writting thier letters to Santa this year. We went through all the toy catalogs that we could find. And each one picked 2 things that they wanted and 1 big present for both of them. I know what your thinking.....I got off easy with the shopping because they only asked for 3 things each. But thats what we always do. 3 is maximum that they can ask for. Theres nothing special about that number, its just kind of stuck over the years. I know alot of kids, even the girls ages, that ask for tons of stuff, and expensive stuff at that. I have a friend who had all 3 of her daughters ask for 16 things a piece, and its things like a stereo, a Wii, a Nintendo DS. I dont want my girls to miss out on the experience of Christmas and getting presents, but I tend to focus more on what Christmas is really about with them. I dont want them growing up selfish or expecting things just because its Christmas. And I do my best to teach them life lessons and make them see how fortunate they are and how richly blessed they are to even get to have things for Christmas.

I am excited that my sister from Wichita is coming this year for Christmas. Last year, she came at thanksgiving, and the girls LOVED having her here. I havent told the girls yet that shes coming, I figured Id just let her surprise them when she walks in.

Emma spelled Santa for me today. She never ceases to amaze me. They are going to a new daycare and Emma is going to headstart. Both are absolutely amazing. They have learned to count to 10 in spanish. Emma is one incredible little artist. Mady is way beyond anything Ive seen or heard from a 3 year old. I have two very smart little girls, thats for sure.

Its about 915. The girls are asleep, and Im freezing cold. Im usually never cold, but I cant seem to get warm in this house. Anyway, I think im off to bed, to try and get warm. Christmas Merry :)

To keep the momentum going

Can I just say that even though its only been 4 months since I posted anything, it feels like 4 years?? Thats how much has happened, and I feel like I can either tell you everything, or just a few things. So tonight, I feel like the latter.

I did in fact get the job at TeleTech. I didnt start until September. Yes. A month after I was hired, I finally started. Unreasonable hire time if you ask me, but Im not complaining. Im thankful to have a job, and a pretty good one at that. I have a pretty good schedule. 4-10 hour days. I work monday, wednesday, thursday and saturday. Even though my days off are split, its nice.

The one major life event thats happened in the past few months is quite dramatic. So, we lived in the ghetto in Springfield. As ghetto as you can get in this town. We were there for over a year, and never really had any problems. Until the very end I guess. There were some strange things go on. People would knock on my door late at night and be looking in my peephole when I went to look out. Creepy. Random people were asking me for stuff. And the icing on the cake was when a fight ended up in my living room. Not by choice. (I feel it neccessary to point that out) I was in bed, and woke up to pounding on my door. I look out my peephole and see a man beating the crap out of someone on the ground. I get on the phone with 911, and I guess the guy heard me because I was at my door trying to decribe him as best I could from the tiny hole in my door that makes you look like a figure from those mirrors in a fun house. He ran off pretty fast. I told the 911 operator that he left, and (tell me if you see the problem with this next sentence) she has me open my door to make sure the person on the ground is ok. Me. a single woman, alone with 2 kids, with God knows what laying outside my front door. In retrospect, I can see this was not a wise choice, but at the time I just did as i was told. When i cracked my door, a woman was on the ground with another man. They come barreling through my front door to my living room. Getting blood everywhere. Ran to my kitchen (yes, they knew right where my kitchen and sink was without having to ask) all the while, yelling and screaming, and pacing through from my living room to the kitchen. The police show up several minutes later. They have these people sit on my furniture to inspect them. Im trying to tell them they dont live with me and I dont want them in my house, and at that point I was informed that they couldnt move them until they knew they were stable. :/ After a scared little girl woke up, and several explanations of my story later, the people leave. They were in fact arrested because of some reason that was never released to me. And Im home, by myself, with blodd stained carpet, and terrified to sleep because the man that was beating them up heard me on the phone with the police. The next day, I made arrangements to move out. Some people thought that was a little drastic, but my reality is not just a story. It actually happened. In my home. In front of me, and put my 2 little girls lives in jeopardy. So we moved throughout the week. I had no where to go. I just started a new job. Had no money saved because it was all gone due to being unemployed for so long, and didnt have a clue as to where to even attempt to look for a place under such short notice. So. Here I am. And by here I am, I mean, at my parents house. Still. 2 months later. Id save money to move, but we are at the holidays and I pay over $420 a month for daycare. (which is another story in itself) I couldnt afford to live by myself now even if I did save up. Month to month, we wouldnt make it. So I guess, us being here and how we got here, is one of those blessings in disguise. But geez, does it really take all that!?

So, with the job and long days, and being at my parents, its taken a little to settle into a new routine. And we are still far from anything that resembles a smooth schedule. The motto of my life is "A life without chaos is no life at all" True. Story. But, the girls absolutely L-O-V-E being with thier grandparents. I may hate not being on my own at the moment, but I cant deny how much help my family has been, especially my mom. Shes amazing in every sense of the word.

Time flies every day, especially on my days off. Im ready for the point where everything slows down. Any day now :)

~Holy Holy Holy, is the Lord God Almighty. Who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing. Praise to the King of Kings, You are my everything and I will adore You.

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, at the mention of Your name. Jesus Your name is power, breath and living water, such a marvelous mystery.~ Kari Jobe-Revalation Song

The rumors are true

Its really hard for me to believe that after 4 months of not writting, I am finding myself back here. A blog was a good thought in the beginning. An outlet to my everyday crazy life. A way of saying what I mean without everyone I know having to hear about it and judge me. A therapy session for free. Then, like most things, I gave it up. Life got hectic, and this was one of things pushed to the bottom of the list. And that list kept getting bigger and bigger. Until now. I found myself back, mainly because of boredom and curiousity to see if anyone new had stumbled upon my long forgotten blog. Let me just say, it was a huge let down when I realized that was not the case. But what can I expect when I havent even wanted to read it lol. I, like many times before, read through all my old posts. Seriously. What the hell was I thinking saying all that stuff out loud! Sheesh. But looking at that, and seeing where I am now....its a world of difference. So I can appreciate that fact that thats my past.

And the fact is, I really do miss blogging. I may be crazy busy, and not get the chance to come here to vent as much as Id like to, but reality is, that it honestly does help me get through some stuff. So. Im laying to rest the saying "All good things come to an end" because I am back :)