Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you work at something, it doesnt make a difference? This applies to many aspects of my life. From cleaning (The 1 load of laundry I just did, magically produced 3 more needing done) to personal matters (relationships with friends, family, and my faith). Eventually, all the time and energy Ive invested, is thrown out the window because it gets so overwhelming, I just give up. This is a constant struggle for me. But Ive really been working at not letting it happen.
Ive always heard that Sagittarius' are known for being optimistic. And 5 years ago, i can say that I looked at everything as the glass is half full. Its a great way to pursue life, but not realistic. Now Ive kind of learned to just call things for what they really are. It seems to make everything easier to accept. Not having any expectations=no hard feelings in the end. And this doesnt mean that I dont enjoy things or am "debbie downer" I think its my way of LETTING myself enjoy life without that voice in the back of my head telling me its just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down. But I think there are concequences to my way of thinking. Am I holding back when I do this? Am I really allowing myself to be completely and 100% happy? Because, sometimes, even with my new outlook, at the end of the, I still feel slightly empty.
Im famous for telling people "God wont give you more than you can handle" or "Give God your worries and He will take care of them for you" Sometimes I wonder why I dont follow my own advice. The words are very true, and I know this :) Its my inner control freak taking hold of me I think. Its just been one of those days. lol. I blame it on the time change and it being Monday.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Spring is just around the corner!
Im starting to see birds outside again, which means warm weather is coming! Though, I will say, i saw a little bit of snow flurries on my way to work this morning. Boo. I think everyone in my house is going stir crazy, and we are ready to be able to go outside to play again!
I finally got back my test results back. I have celiac disease, which is just basically a gluten intolerence. Although Im glad to finally have an answer to the problem......gluten is in the majority of food. Its hereditary, and given Emmas stomach problems, its a given she has it also. So we follow a gluten free diet. I was really bummed to begin with, but the more I learn about food, its not so bad. There are tons of gluten free food, and recipes. Theres no medicine for it, just a lifetime without gluten lol.
Our trip to Tulsa was a blast. It was a much needed getaway. I hadnt been back there for 9 years. Which is crazy to think about. And out of all my friends from there, Sammi is the only one Ive seen since I moved, and that has been only once. Its pretty amazing that we all seemed to pick up right where we left off, just like I never left. I was fully prepared for there to be some awkward moments, or times when no one had anything to talk about....but it was far from that. The girls had so much fun too. I was a little nervous about our first road trip together. But they did really good. They slept on the car ride there, and home. They got along with Sammi's kids, and slept good at night, and nap time, which was a huge concern for me. I know we are definately capable of doing more things like this together now :)
It has been a little chaotic since we got home form Tulsa. I feel like I cant seem to get caught up on my housework. Which is funny to me, because instead of doing it, I am sitting here at the computer. Maybe I shouldnt complain about it being dirty lol. We have been super busy with Emmas dance class, and church, and our saturday brunch. Ive had to meet Emmas dad halfway in AR this past weekend for her visit. I am thankful that we get to do all these things, but I really would like one day where I have NOTHING to do. That is my plan for this weekend. Or maybe at least shoot for that Saturday. Sunday is my friends baby shower, which I am super excited for. She is having a girl, and I can totally handle the girl stuff. Emma asked me when my friend first found out that she was pregnant, if I could have a baby in my tummy for her....because there was a new baby at daycare. I was a little shocked to say the least. I told her that mommy wasnt going to have any babies, but Miss Kayla would have one for us. She seemed to be content with that answer. So everytime we see Kayla, Emma asks how her baby is, and if she can feel her move. She loves to buy stuff for her, and talks about her. Its quite cute..and sad all at the same time.
Tomorrow night, is our first womens meeting outside our Wednesday night class at church. I am really excited and happy with everyone that decided to continue meeting. Wish me luck!
I finally got back my test results back. I have celiac disease, which is just basically a gluten intolerence. Although Im glad to finally have an answer to the problem......gluten is in the majority of food. Its hereditary, and given Emmas stomach problems, its a given she has it also. So we follow a gluten free diet. I was really bummed to begin with, but the more I learn about food, its not so bad. There are tons of gluten free food, and recipes. Theres no medicine for it, just a lifetime without gluten lol.
Our trip to Tulsa was a blast. It was a much needed getaway. I hadnt been back there for 9 years. Which is crazy to think about. And out of all my friends from there, Sammi is the only one Ive seen since I moved, and that has been only once. Its pretty amazing that we all seemed to pick up right where we left off, just like I never left. I was fully prepared for there to be some awkward moments, or times when no one had anything to talk about....but it was far from that. The girls had so much fun too. I was a little nervous about our first road trip together. But they did really good. They slept on the car ride there, and home. They got along with Sammi's kids, and slept good at night, and nap time, which was a huge concern for me. I know we are definately capable of doing more things like this together now :)
It has been a little chaotic since we got home form Tulsa. I feel like I cant seem to get caught up on my housework. Which is funny to me, because instead of doing it, I am sitting here at the computer. Maybe I shouldnt complain about it being dirty lol. We have been super busy with Emmas dance class, and church, and our saturday brunch. Ive had to meet Emmas dad halfway in AR this past weekend for her visit. I am thankful that we get to do all these things, but I really would like one day where I have NOTHING to do. That is my plan for this weekend. Or maybe at least shoot for that Saturday. Sunday is my friends baby shower, which I am super excited for. She is having a girl, and I can totally handle the girl stuff. Emma asked me when my friend first found out that she was pregnant, if I could have a baby in my tummy for her....because there was a new baby at daycare. I was a little shocked to say the least. I told her that mommy wasnt going to have any babies, but Miss Kayla would have one for us. She seemed to be content with that answer. So everytime we see Kayla, Emma asks how her baby is, and if she can feel her move. She loves to buy stuff for her, and talks about her. Its quite cute..and sad all at the same time.
Tomorrow night, is our first womens meeting outside our Wednesday night class at church. I am really excited and happy with everyone that decided to continue meeting. Wish me luck!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Bad weather, here we come
Everyone is freaking out about the bad weather thats coming. Thats all I hear about. People are absolutely insane at Wal-Mart. Stocking up on stuff. I guess I can understand, given the last bad winter storm we had. But is it really supposed to be that bad? I keep hearing different things, so its hard to tell. Snow on top of ice, be prepared for power outages....12 inches of snow by Sunday, light rain, freezing rain. its supposed to start tonight, and its raining right now. So I guess we will see. I didnt go crazy getting prepared for it, but we dont really need any last minute things, so I think we'll be ok.
I had my EGD test yesterday. I didnt really know what to expect, but it wasnt that bad. I dont remember anything thanks to the medicine they gave me :) lol. The doctor is doing 3 biopsies, so I will get the test results back in about a week. I feel just fine today, other than a really sore throat, but they said thats normal. Im just ready to find out whats wrong and get it fixed.
Everything else at the moment is pretty good. Im hoping to plan a trip to Tulsa the weekend after Valentines Day to see some friends. Im super excited about it. It will be my first road trip with the girls, I can just imagine how fun its going to be lol.
I had my EGD test yesterday. I didnt really know what to expect, but it wasnt that bad. I dont remember anything thanks to the medicine they gave me :) lol. The doctor is doing 3 biopsies, so I will get the test results back in about a week. I feel just fine today, other than a really sore throat, but they said thats normal. Im just ready to find out whats wrong and get it fixed.
Everything else at the moment is pretty good. Im hoping to plan a trip to Tulsa the weekend after Valentines Day to see some friends. Im super excited about it. It will be my first road trip with the girls, I can just imagine how fun its going to be lol.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Life...Back to Normal
We are finally back to the calm of our everyday life now that the holidays are over. (as calm as you can get considering my 2 rambunctious kiddos) We seemed to have survived our first holiday season as a family of 3. We were crazy busy, had a lot of time with family, and friends, and Christmas parties, and shopping, and work. It seemed to fly by pretty quickly, and didnt give us a chance to focus on what wasnt there. Bittersweet, but none the less, my favorite time of year. The girls got more than they ever could have dreamed of. The look of joy in thier eyes as they opened thier gifts was enough to make me forget all the bad.
My work schedule is finally back on track. Between November and now, we had 5 days off, plus the time I had to take off because we were sick. Our life is a little chaotic without a schedule, so its nice to have it back.
The girls went to the dr the other day for physicals, something thier daycare requires. Emma, at 4 years and 3 months old, is 40 inches tall and 37 pounds. She seems to be loosing weight instead of gaining. Shes lost about 5 pounds in 5 months. Her doctor doesnt see it as an issue at this point though. Mady at 2 years and 4 months old is 34 1/2 half inches tall and 32 pounds. She seems to be growing just fine. She is getting a little taller and starting to loose her baby fat :( Both of them had to get shots, Emma 2 and Mady 4. I had to work, so Grandma and Daddy took them. I got there just as they were walking out to leave, so for once, mommy got to be the saving grace instead of the bad guy lol.
Is anyone else excited about The Bachelor and American Idol starting again?! We are all extremely happy the new seasons started. Yes, Im probably a dork lol. Emma and I have watched both since she was about 3 months old. That was our cuddle time. We would get in our jammies and cuddle up in the recliner with a blanket and watch them. Now, 2 kids later, all 3 of us still do the same thing. We make sure all of our chores are done in time to sit and watch them cuddled up on the couch. Its fun to see them just as excited as me lol. Though they enjoy American Idol a lot more than the Bachelor. Maybe I have future super stars in the family :)
Nothing else super exciting has been going on. Emma seems to be getting over her pheumonia, though I am getting ANOTHER cold. My plan is to just go through the whole winter season sick and miserable lol. Hope everyone enjoys the heat wave coming our way next week!
My work schedule is finally back on track. Between November and now, we had 5 days off, plus the time I had to take off because we were sick. Our life is a little chaotic without a schedule, so its nice to have it back.
The girls went to the dr the other day for physicals, something thier daycare requires. Emma, at 4 years and 3 months old, is 40 inches tall and 37 pounds. She seems to be loosing weight instead of gaining. Shes lost about 5 pounds in 5 months. Her doctor doesnt see it as an issue at this point though. Mady at 2 years and 4 months old is 34 1/2 half inches tall and 32 pounds. She seems to be growing just fine. She is getting a little taller and starting to loose her baby fat :( Both of them had to get shots, Emma 2 and Mady 4. I had to work, so Grandma and Daddy took them. I got there just as they were walking out to leave, so for once, mommy got to be the saving grace instead of the bad guy lol.
Is anyone else excited about The Bachelor and American Idol starting again?! We are all extremely happy the new seasons started. Yes, Im probably a dork lol. Emma and I have watched both since she was about 3 months old. That was our cuddle time. We would get in our jammies and cuddle up in the recliner with a blanket and watch them. Now, 2 kids later, all 3 of us still do the same thing. We make sure all of our chores are done in time to sit and watch them cuddled up on the couch. Its fun to see them just as excited as me lol. Though they enjoy American Idol a lot more than the Bachelor. Maybe I have future super stars in the family :)
Nothing else super exciting has been going on. Emma seems to be getting over her pheumonia, though I am getting ANOTHER cold. My plan is to just go through the whole winter season sick and miserable lol. Hope everyone enjoys the heat wave coming our way next week!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
New Experiences
I have started volunteering at church again in the nursery. I am so glad to be back. I wasnt able to before because of my work schedule, but Im thankful enough to have a monday thru friday job now where I can help out again. This firday night is the chili cook-off for all the volunteers and I am entering :) I am aiming for 1st prize!
Last night, we also kicked off our 7 week session of North Point University. I signed up for Lifes Healing Choices. I was having a hard time choosing between all the different ones, But I am so glad that I chose this class to start with. It helps you deal with and overcome your "hurts, habits, and hang-ups" There is a wide variety of people in the class dealing with a bunch of different stuff. It varies from addiction, disorders, divorcees, over spenders, controllers, grudge holders, just a bunch of stuff that everyone at some point in thier life has probably dealt with. We split up into groups at the end of the class and introduced ourselves, and said why we were there.....Kind of like an AA meeting, "Hello, my name is Dawn, and Im a ________" My personal reason for taking this class is pretty simple. I am a recently single mom. I have a lot of resentment, and regret, and seem to live in the "shoulda coulda woulda" I hold on to things, and in turn, it henders my current and even future relationships. I am looking to accept the fact that I cant change me, other people, or what happened in my life. I can just focus on whats in the now, and make it the best possible. I also deal with a lot of issues that go along with my bipolar disorder. And, for the most part, my every day life is rarely affected by it. Though I do have times where I am extremely overwhelmed, and I feel like I have no where to turn. I know, in my heart, that I have family and friends that are always there for me, but its hard for me to accept that. I dont like putting myself out there, and looking weak to people. So I am looking to get that thought out of my head, and give up control when it comes to things like that. Even though last night was out first class, I am inspired by everyone I met, and look forward to the changes I know are coming in my life :)
Last night, we also kicked off our 7 week session of North Point University. I signed up for Lifes Healing Choices. I was having a hard time choosing between all the different ones, But I am so glad that I chose this class to start with. It helps you deal with and overcome your "hurts, habits, and hang-ups" There is a wide variety of people in the class dealing with a bunch of different stuff. It varies from addiction, disorders, divorcees, over spenders, controllers, grudge holders, just a bunch of stuff that everyone at some point in thier life has probably dealt with. We split up into groups at the end of the class and introduced ourselves, and said why we were there.....Kind of like an AA meeting, "Hello, my name is Dawn, and Im a ________" My personal reason for taking this class is pretty simple. I am a recently single mom. I have a lot of resentment, and regret, and seem to live in the "shoulda coulda woulda" I hold on to things, and in turn, it henders my current and even future relationships. I am looking to accept the fact that I cant change me, other people, or what happened in my life. I can just focus on whats in the now, and make it the best possible. I also deal with a lot of issues that go along with my bipolar disorder. And, for the most part, my every day life is rarely affected by it. Though I do have times where I am extremely overwhelmed, and I feel like I have no where to turn. I know, in my heart, that I have family and friends that are always there for me, but its hard for me to accept that. I dont like putting myself out there, and looking weak to people. So I am looking to get that thought out of my head, and give up control when it comes to things like that. Even though last night was out first class, I am inspired by everyone I met, and look forward to the changes I know are coming in my life :)
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Start of a New Year
2010 is here. So far, the only difference Ive seen is crappy cold weather and sickness floating around my house. Dont get me wrong, i love snow as much as the next person, just not when I have to get out in it. Something about cold, soaking wet feet doesnt appeal to me. Snow boots may be on my shopping list this weekend.
I didnt make any crazy new years resolutions this year. They seem kind of pointless to me anyway. But, I am working on getting my house decluttered. Ive already taken 3 loads of JUNK (though i cant seem to part with it) to storage. We can actually utilize our closets now :) Its a wonderful thing.
Emma and I are trying to get over being sick. We've been pretty miserable for the past 3 weeks. Emma has phneumonia. It started in just one lung, but eventually spread to both, even with antiobiotics. So now, she is on a new dose of antibiotics that make her tummy hurt, 5 day run of steroids to help build her lungs back up (also makes her tummy hurt) a doubled dose of prevacid to help with her tummy issues, a tripled dose of her albuterol, and tylenol & motrin as needed for her fever. My poor baby is taking medicine all day long. I hope this is enough to kick it this time, or our next step will be hospitalization. and though it wont be her first stay in the hopsital for something like this, its definately not what I want to happen.
I am getting over bronchitis, that went terribly wrong lol. I ended up having a crazy reaction to the antiobiotics I was given. And, on top of that, the first DR. missed an ear infection, so it got worse and I was having side effects from that. I was blacking out at work, getting very sick, and dizzy. So my sister had to take me to the ER. I was given some new meds that seem to be working, and I am feeling much better thank goodness.
Miss Mady never seems to get sick. Shes trucking right along and ignoring all of us who are sick.....she must have one amazingly strong immune system :)
We do seem to be starting off the new year pretty good though. We have a new car, which came just in time. Our poor explorer is almost out of life. And I am glad to be rid of it very soon. My job is continuing to approve my over time every week and has been very understanding the past couple weeks of me and Emma being sick. I dont think I couldve got any luckier when I got this job. It has made a huge difference in our life. Not to mention, I am so glad to be out of retail lol.
So 1 week exactly into 2010, things dont seem too bad. Lets just hope they continue to get better!
I didnt make any crazy new years resolutions this year. They seem kind of pointless to me anyway. But, I am working on getting my house decluttered. Ive already taken 3 loads of JUNK (though i cant seem to part with it) to storage. We can actually utilize our closets now :) Its a wonderful thing.
Emma and I are trying to get over being sick. We've been pretty miserable for the past 3 weeks. Emma has phneumonia. It started in just one lung, but eventually spread to both, even with antiobiotics. So now, she is on a new dose of antibiotics that make her tummy hurt, 5 day run of steroids to help build her lungs back up (also makes her tummy hurt) a doubled dose of prevacid to help with her tummy issues, a tripled dose of her albuterol, and tylenol & motrin as needed for her fever. My poor baby is taking medicine all day long. I hope this is enough to kick it this time, or our next step will be hospitalization. and though it wont be her first stay in the hopsital for something like this, its definately not what I want to happen.
I am getting over bronchitis, that went terribly wrong lol. I ended up having a crazy reaction to the antiobiotics I was given. And, on top of that, the first DR. missed an ear infection, so it got worse and I was having side effects from that. I was blacking out at work, getting very sick, and dizzy. So my sister had to take me to the ER. I was given some new meds that seem to be working, and I am feeling much better thank goodness.
Miss Mady never seems to get sick. Shes trucking right along and ignoring all of us who are sick.....she must have one amazingly strong immune system :)
We do seem to be starting off the new year pretty good though. We have a new car, which came just in time. Our poor explorer is almost out of life. And I am glad to be rid of it very soon. My job is continuing to approve my over time every week and has been very understanding the past couple weeks of me and Emma being sick. I dont think I couldve got any luckier when I got this job. It has made a huge difference in our life. Not to mention, I am so glad to be out of retail lol.
So 1 week exactly into 2010, things dont seem too bad. Lets just hope they continue to get better!
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