Thursday, April 8, 2010

God never gives you more than you can handle

I really think God gives me more credit than I deserve. This week has been horrible. Not to mention all the events Ive faced this entire past year. I just have to laugh sometimes.
I lost my job monday, woke up with the stomach flu tuesday and fell and fractured my foot tuesday night. Sounds fun doesnt it? Now, normally, I am a worrier by nature. Its what I do. And, dont get me wrong, being a single mom and jobless doesnt exactly put me at ease, but I somehow know everythings going to be ok. If Ive learned anything in the last year, its this.....
Give your troubles to God and he will take care of them.

Ive heard this my whole life, but never really believed it.
There have been several times over the course of the past 12 months, where it would have been so easy for me to just give up and throw in the towel. Thats typically what I do when things dont go my way. But I decided one day to try out this "theory" (for lack of better words).
I remember the day and conversation with God like it was yesterday. I had recently moved into my new apt, a single mom, with a broken heart, torn between what was right, and what I thought my heart wanted, working part time somewhere that paid minimum wage, when reality hit me. I was alone for the very first time in 7 years. I was 100% financially responsible for everything for the first time in my life. I was the only person around to take care of my girls. I had to work after being a stay at home mom for almost 3 years. I was dealing with judgemental people, both my family and not. And I realized I didnt even know who I was outside the life I had just left behind. It was a rude awakening to say the least. So, I was driving home from work one night after I had picked the girls up from daycare. It was about 10pm and both babies were fast asleep in the back seat. When I pulled into the parking lot at home, I looked back at them, and just started crying. I remember thinking, this is not how my life is supposed to be going. Thats when I knew something had to change. Sitting there, in the car, in the dark, I had a heart to heart with God. Everything that had gone wrong in my life, I gave it back to Him. All the doubts, I gave Him control. All the worry, I let it go to Him. I knew I couldnt do all this by myself, so I asked God to be present in every way He could. Over the course of the next few weeks, I got a new job, a better paying job with a much better schedule. I was able to be home with the girls every night. Everyday, the hurt in my heart was less and less, until one day I was happy with things just the way they were. Instead of looking for someONE to make me happy, I was able to be happy with myself. I settled into my apt and made it a home for me and the girls. I was able to open up and have better friendships with people. And I realized for the first time in a very long time, that I am important...I matter. I was able to buy stuff for myself and do things on my own without feeling guilty.
It seems like a lot when I write it out. So many things happened in a short time. But I really do know that if I just give my troubles to God, He will see to it that I am taken care of. And maybe thats why I am not panicked about my current situation. I have to have faith that what has happened is just one more thing that God has planned for me.And maybe I should look at it as a compliment. Becuase if God really never gives you more than you can handle, I must be one STRONG woman.
Now, my foot on the other hand, I think is just a test. Good to know God has a sense of humor :)

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