LOST

Not the tv show. I never really got into it. But, physically, mentally, emotionally......Im lost. I have neve felt so out of control of my life than I do right now. And wasnt I just talking about this last night??? Maybe subconsciously I was preparing myself for this.

I am not going to go into details. In fact, Im not even going to say the reason Im writing this. This is more of a vent.

I dont understand what Gods plan or purpose is at this point. Punishment? A lesson? I have been working through so many life changes lately. I feel like a different person. I feel happy. I feel a new love from God that I never known.

And then this. I thought last week I was out of the clear. It wasnt a fun experience. And it was scary. Not only for me, but for everyone involved. I was thankful for the power of prayer. And the motto--God never gives you more than you can handle.

One phone call today changed all of that. I knew as soon as I got it, what was coming. My gut instinct was telling me. As well as my heart.

So here I am. Trying not to dwell on something I cant change. And trust that God is in control. But how do you do that and not be hurting and lost? I feel like I am failing at doing anything right, and making the right choices when it comes to my faith. I get ahead, and feel like Im on the right track, then I am yanked back to where I was before.

Dear Lord,

I am hurting so much right now. Im scared. And uncertain. I wish I had the answers. But I trust you. I give you control of what is happening right now. Please take this pain out of my heart. And give me comfort. Dont let me lose sight of you right now.

Amen