This book was recently recommended to me by a friend at church. A question she asked triggered some feelings Ive been battling with for a while...along with the events that have happened recently. I have 2 kids, Ive never been married. Ive obviously had sex. But never really thought about how it effects me or will effect me in the future. This book so speaks to me. It doesnt make me feel bad about what Ive done in the past, but it makes me aware of the damage I am doing to myself. And that its also not too late to get back what Ive so freely given away.
Im on chapter 3 of this book. And already I can see and feel reactions to the hard hitting statements and questions it brings up. So, Im going to share some of that. Im not going to go through and hit on every single subject, just the ones that seem to apply the most to me. This book is brutally honest, and the questions it brings up, are no fun to say the least. But Im going to do my best to be open about it.
Chapter 1: A rose every friday
This chapter talks about how love and romance and courtship and sex differ now-a-days than it did 50 years ago. Its a sad realization to see the changes that have occured in those years. And women are missing out on some of the greatest experiences of falling in love the way women did then.
A few stand-out things I came across....
"People have been sleeping around, in and out of the wrong beds, since the dawn of time. The difference is that they knew how to blush."
-This is so true. Girls and women now, sex seems to be an accomplishment to add to thier list. A "skill" on thier resume.
"You are meant to be loved by a man whose face lights up when he sees you. Whether a woman marries or not, strength and respect are her God-given right."
-AKA...dont settle. You deserve the best.
"The desire for romance and the beauty of a good relationship, for deep connections with people that last through thick and thin, is like a homing device the God installs early on; and unless we have completely short-circuited, this is the very desire that will lead us home, in the most real sense of the word."
-Its 100% natural for a woman to feel and want this. To want this kind of relationship with a man. But we are taught to hide these feelings because its a sign of weakness.
I could go on and on with the shocking statements that literally make you gasp outloud...and reading through just this one chapter, opened my eyes to so much of what I do. And what I want, what Ive always wanted, and that its ok to want that.
Chapter 1 questions:
2. What would more romance in a relationship look like from your perspective?
This is one is hard for me, because I have never had romance in any relationship Ive been in. What a sad thought. LOL. I honestly have no idea. I dont know what romance is supposed to look like.. I have started to write something 2 times, and deleted it. Is there a right or wrong answer to this question? Because romance to me would not have some long definition. It wouldnt be complicated and need an explanation. Romance is love. Loving someone that gives you a new outlook on life. And makes you want to be a better person...not only for yourself, but for them as well.
3. When do you encounter a sense of "preemptive despair," the notion that hoping for much of anything in a relationship is just a setup for disappointment? What effect does the refusal to hope have on relationships?
This is something I enter every relationship with. Its so much easier to guard yourself and not have any expectations of it lasting, than to get your hopes up and be crushed in the end. I think that having this mind set, dooms the relationship from the start, because I am never giving myself to someone 100%.
5. In terms of a "deep and lasting attatchment" to a man, what qualities are you looking for in him? In the relationship itself?
-A best friend. Someone I can talk to about anything and will whole heartedly listen. Someone who knows better when I say everything is "fine" A man who will know all of my flaws and still want to be around me. Someone who encourages me to be a better person. Who will be a constant reminder in my faith and relationship with God. And someone who will allow me to be the same for him.
I had every intention of fitting more than one chapter in this lol. But I think I will save the next one for later tonight. This is chapter 1 of 11. So hopefully your in this with me for the long haul. :)
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