There are some days I wake up in a crabby mood. And it ruins my whole day. Today, I didnt think was one of those days. I felt pretty good when I got up. Lounged around with the girlies, ate some yummy pancakes, put away laundry. All the happenings of a cheerful productive day. Then, without warning, sirens, or news flash of it coming, a hurricane of funk hit me. Its 12:30! I have way too much day left to be feeling like this. And Im not exactly sure why. Heres how the days negative events have unfolded.
The maintenence man comes to my door this morning...pounding on it instead of just knocking..to let me know he's shutting the water off for an hour. No big deal right? Only,its 3 hours later, and I still have no water. Josh, Emmas dad, texts me to let me know he will be getting Emma thursday. I remind him that sunday is Mothers Day, and my "scheduled" holiday....Im still mad at the fact that I have scheduled holidays with my own daughter. He reminds me that my "holiday" starts at 9am on Sunday. What kind of crap is that? I dont and never will understand how he gets away with what he does. And what judge in her right mind would grant him everything he asked for when he was MIA for 2 1/2 years. Im very bitter about this. And I know theres nothing I can do to change it. And talking about it does nothing but make me more angry. But, like I said, its a bad day, so Im just gonna. At this point Im crying....which, if you know me, I dont just cry for no reason. It takes a lot to break me down enough to get me crying. So i attempted to talk to a friend. Someone who is usually so good at cheering me up. And listening to me. Only he shot me down. But, I will add, now that I can think rational about it, he has good reason. And Im just selfish today. And I make something out of nothing. but thats a whole blog in itself. This kind of added the icing to the cupcake to make me go from bad to worse. In fact, as I sit here and type, I find myself crying. I dont like feeling like this. I dont like feeling weak, I dont like feeling like people can get to me, I dont like feeling vulnrable to let myself hurt. I spent too much of my life like that, and I refuse to let it sneek back in now. So, after all my self pity talk....its time to let it go.
Dear God,
Please fill my heart with peace today. Take away all my insecurities and hurt. Help me be strong and capable of handling what comes at me. Let me handle it with grace and love instead of anger and hate. Help me realize that I am human, and allowed to feel like this, and not take it personal. Give me patience to think before I speak. Give my friends and family patience and understanding, and not let me push them away. Bless the rest of my day with love and joy.
In your Sweet Holy name I pray
Amen
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