Last night, I seriously sat here for an hour and a half writing. At 1:45am, I hit the post button. With a few seconds of worry and hesitance...but I still did it. And, what do you know, the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was delete it. Im sure what I wrote wasnt hurting anyone....but me. And, come to think of it, if a certain someone read it, Im sure Id have some damage control to do. It is very possible, that in the 6 hours it was on here, that it was read. That makes me very nervous..and a little sick to my stomach.
Ahhh! I hate feeling like this! I hate feeling like I have to hide something......So much, that I cant even write about it to people who wouldnt even care.
So heres the deal. Without putting myself out there too much, Id still like to talk about this.
Go here...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends
I have a friend that has turned into this. Its actually a pretty sweet deal. I have this amazing man in my life....my bedroom life that is. But outside of that, hes pretty great too. He's "gorgeous" as my friends like to call him, an amazing listener, caring, genuine, a man of God, he can turn my mood around in a matter of minutes, makes me smile with the word "hi".......the epitome of MY perfect man. Id be lucky to find someone like him....well, I have, I just cant have him in that way I guess. Most days, this arrangement is great. I mean, Im not really interested in a serious relationship, but I do enjoy having someone around every now and then, and we are friends, we talk almost everyday, so thats really nice. But sometimes, I find myself wanting more. I think that may be a normal reaction. Its confusing sometimes, because I am not 100% sure that I even want more, but he makes me think about it. I try really hard not to complicate things, because we've had the conversation about what we want and dont want. Its not on his agenda to "be" with me...so I do a pretty good job at filtering my feelings out. Im sure that makes me sound bad. But Im content with how things are. Im probably setting myself up for disaster. I know this wont go on forever, and when it ends, I will lose a really good friend..which sucks. But, in the mean time, I should just enjoy it right?
Ahhh! I hate feeling like this! I hate feeling like I have to hide something......So much, that I cant even write about it to people who wouldnt even care.
So heres the deal. Without putting myself out there too much, Id still like to talk about this.
Go here...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friends
I have a friend that has turned into this. Its actually a pretty sweet deal. I have this amazing man in my life....my bedroom life that is. But outside of that, hes pretty great too. He's "gorgeous" as my friends like to call him, an amazing listener, caring, genuine, a man of God, he can turn my mood around in a matter of minutes, makes me smile with the word "hi".......the epitome of MY perfect man. Id be lucky to find someone like him....well, I have, I just cant have him in that way I guess. Most days, this arrangement is great. I mean, Im not really interested in a serious relationship, but I do enjoy having someone around every now and then, and we are friends, we talk almost everyday, so thats really nice. But sometimes, I find myself wanting more. I think that may be a normal reaction. Its confusing sometimes, because I am not 100% sure that I even want more, but he makes me think about it. I try really hard not to complicate things, because we've had the conversation about what we want and dont want. Its not on his agenda to "be" with me...so I do a pretty good job at filtering my feelings out. Im sure that makes me sound bad. But Im content with how things are. Im probably setting myself up for disaster. I know this wont go on forever, and when it ends, I will lose a really good friend..which sucks. But, in the mean time, I should just enjoy it right?
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